I hid my addiction to marijuana for over twenty years. I smoked day and night – even as an Executive in Corporate America. I didn’t think I had a problem. I thought pot was harmless, it should be legal everywhere and was better than drinking. I bought into the world’s view of it being ‘natural’ and I believed I could stop at any time.
Courage to Share my Addiction
God recently graced me with the courage to share my miraculous healing with the world and to share what I did when I was high. When I started my ministry, I was not ready to talk about my drug use or anything else about how I lived my life before God found me. I was struggling with detachment and maturing in my surrender, humility and prayer life with God. I still cared too much about what people of this world thought of me.
Only through His grace and the gift of the Fear of the Lord, I now live for an audience of one, God. I do not want to displease Him and I must glorify Him by sharing what He and Mary did for me. I am more than aware of the heated debates on this issue as I have lived both sides. Therefore, I must share the whole truth about my life and what God has done for me.
I first started smoking as a teenager because it was fun. I seemed to laugh more, and I thought life was more entertaining when I was high. Soon, I couldn’t start my day without it and when I started running out, I couldn’t think of anything else but getting more. It was not legal, so I was also breaking the law. That didn’t matter in the least because I had to have it. This was the first sign that I was addicted. I also used to give my bag of weed to my husband to hide in the house so I wouldn’t smoke it all day. We played this game for years. When he would leave to go to work, I would tear the house apart until I found it and smoke it all day until he got home. Sign number two that I was addicted but I still denied that I was.
Therefore, let us not sleep as the rest do, but let us stay alert and sober(1 Thessalonians 6 ).
I had a pattern of eating a lot when I was high. The ‘munchies’, as many know, is a side-effect of smoking. Because of this, I would binge and purge; bulimia was now cycling in and out of my life. After I would purge, I would start drinking because I didn’t want to eat again. Then I would binge again because I would have nothing in my stomach but alcohol. Lastly, I sought out pleasure in the form of pornography, self-gratification, promiscuity and countless meaningless hours in front of the TV drifting off to sleep. I was wasting my life, my soul, my body and my mind.
In my college years and during my career, I found it difficult to learn and to remember things. Medical studies prove that smoking as a teenager impacts your brain development short and long term. There was no doubt that this was the case with me. But I didn’t think about it because I was never sober enough or silent – I never contemplated anything.
Back to the Church
On Easter of 2013, God brought me back to the Catholic Church after decades of running away from the Faith. While I was researching and learning about the teachings that I wasn’t practicing or believed in, I stumbled upon a kiosk in my parish – St. Augustine’s Institute – formerly Lighthouse Catholic Media.
Therefore, gird up the loins of your mind, live soberly, and set your hopes completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 13 ).
I bought a CD by Father Michael Gaitley, MIC, he talked about Marian Consecration and that the fastest way to Jesus was through Mary. At this time, I wasn’t sure Mary’s role in the Church and why everyone seemed to be so devoted to her. But I liked the idea that the quickest way to Jesus was through her, so I bought his book, ’33 Days to Morning Glory.’ I started it on my birthday, November 9th. I did not know about Marian Apparitions or about feast days during these early months of my journey either. I just decided to choose my birthday as the day to get me closer to Jesus.
Consecration to Mary
I read each day and while I wasn’t completely sure about this whole consecration thing, I learned that I was giving my entire self to her. I learned that Mary’s job was to bring me to her Son. I didn’t pray for anything because I was supposed to let Mary divvy up graces with her Son, but I did think about my pot-smoking a few times. I thought about asking her to help me with it. But then, like St. Augustine, I said, “Not quite yet.” I just wasn’t ready to stop and honestly, I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. At this stage of my journey, I didn’t know that watching porn, self-gratification, birth control or being a “drunkard” was a mortal sin.
I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. The day before, I smoked my last bit of pot. On December 12th, I was miraculously healed of my addiction. I didn’t want to smoke. I had no desire to dig through the ashtray to smoke some ‘nuggets’ and I didn’t buy it again.
My husband was in shock and agreed this was a miracle because I have never been at peace without pot. Never. And the fact that I didn’t want it and didn’t smoke it for almost a year was proof that it was a gift from God. I owe it all to Mary for taking that petition to Jesus, who gladly answered His mommy’s request.
You are probably thinking, “Almost a year? What happened?” I fell … twice. I reacted to the first fall in one way and the second fall in a completely different way.
Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for (someone) to devour (1 Peter 5:8).
I apologize, but there is too much to share in one article. Next time, I will describe both of my falls and my ongoing recovery. I will also share the ways to fight the continuous temptations and lures from the Evil One that have worked wonders for me.
Praise be to God for gracing me with courage, which is the word He gave me for this year as I share with the world the deep wounds He has healed in my life. All glory and honor are Yours, Lord, forever and ever. Thank you, Mary, for taking me to your Son – I will forever be grateful to you. I have consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary five times and I am approaching my sixth with St. Louis De Montfort’s book ‘True Devotion to Mary’.