When I was a little boy, my dad sometimes sang this song to me at bedtime, especially if I’d had a bad day.
Little man, you’re crying, I know why you’re blue Someone took your kiddy car away Better go to sleep now, little man, you’ve had a busy day
Johnny won your marbles, tell you what we’ll do Dad’ll get you new ones, right away Better go to sleep now, little man, you’ve had a busy day
I hadn’t thought about that since I was a boy until recently, when I watched the burning and looting of Baltimore on television. Then I remembered my dad, sitting at the edge of my bed, singing it to me. And I wondered.
How many of those angry young men—“kids”, as one police official called them—were ever sung to like that by their dads? Most of those boys looting and burning are being raised without a father in the home. Not only that, there has not been a father in many of their home for two or three generations.
They have moms who often try valiantly to do double-duty. Moms are generally more faithful to their kids than dads are. But a mom can’t be as good a dad as a dad can. Boys need to hear that firm, warm, masculine voice, guiding and reassuring them. They need that voice to explain their fears and their anger to them, and to show them how to deal with these difficult feelings. They need that good male example of how to stand up for themselves and defend themselves in an effective and dignified manner when they are being treated unfairly. They need a father’s voice encouraging them to persevere in working toward long-term goals. They need a dad to set a curfew. They needed a dad to talk to, to help them make better decisions about their futures. They need a dad to be there, mentally and emotionally.
Most of these young rioting males never got that. Too often, they’re growing up, but they’re not growing up. They’re becoming little boys in men’s bodies. Too often, they respond to the challenges of adult manhood by retreating to drugs—both using and dealing—or by engaging in other forms of crime. The “quick fix” is all many of them know. So they are more likely to get in trouble in school, have trouble with the law, and wind up incarcerated. Single moms often do heroic work, but they were never meant to do it alone. They need the help of the father of their children.
What would have happened in Baltimore, if the young men throwing rocks and beer bottles had been raised in the warm presence of their dads? What would have happened if these angry young men had learned from their dads how to discipline and redirect their emotions—especially anger and aggression—and how to persevere in working toward long-term goals?
I wonder if, underneath their rage is a deep ache, too deep even to articulate, left by the dads who were never there for them. I wonder inside how many of these enraged teenage males is a little boy, who is longing for the dad, who never sat by his bed and sang to him at night. I wonder how many are still aching to hear that song.
You’ve been playing soldier, the battle has been won The enemy is out of sight Come along there soldier, put away your gun The war is over for tonight
Time to stop your scheming, time your day was through Can’t you hear the bugle softly say? Time you should be dreaming, little man, you’ve had a busy day Little man, you’ve had a busy day.
9 thoughts on “Little Man You’re Crying: Some Thoughts on Baltimore”
Jobs, jobs, they all need work – to work off frustrations, earn some dough, 8 hours to balance the 8 to sleep and 8 to play with. We need sweatshops to make one appreciate the opportunity to continue an
education for a better life, work to form neighborhoods and communities, work to order, structure and discipline the mind and body. Damn the robots and digital nanotechnology that is putting more people out of work than any other means. It should be the right of every person born to have 8 hours of their skills, labor and potential used up to fulfill that part of our brains that absolutely require us to give back – something.
The disintegration of the family is one of, if not, the main causes of this social chaos we see going on right now. Sure, the government, liberalism, despotism and so on has perpetuated the problems tenfold but this country, specifically, has lost sight of the important role of fathers to children. Mothers do their best BUT they are NOT fathers and never can be. Just like father’s could never provide the same thing as a mother. It’s a big problem and until people start turning away from the horrors of abortion, start respecting life and family the situations will continue to worsen. This isn’t even a reglious issue or one of forcing beliefs on another person….it’s plain, simple human decency and responsibility of which we as a society are sorely lacking.
You know for a fact that these young men had no fathers? I came from a very dysfunctional mom and Dad family. Having both at home does not make for a happy peaceful home. MANY single family households have very life giving homes. Maybe you need to get away from your computer and go out and come home smelling like the sheep. BTW a very bias report.
I’m waiting for enraged youth, hungry for justice, to loot a book store and a vitamin health store instead of a wig store and a liquor store or a tire rim store.
Baltimore is way beyond the above essay. In the 12 days after the riot, they have had 40 shootings and 15 deaths. And no one is rioting about the 15 deaths. Errr….because cops did none of those deaths.
But yes…fatherhood is key in the Trinity and in the family. Baltimore has thousands of non families.
China has 1 billion poor and a murder rate that is 31 times lower than Central America, 21 times lower than Mexico by UN figures….and 4 times lower than the US. They don’t have men practicing promiscuity like the ghetto has….but which the Sharptons and Jesse Jacksons don’t denounce.
There is a lot of blame on the men and rightfully so. But why all on them? These women who are picking horrible men to father their children should be held accountable as well. It always takes two to make a single parent.
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There’s something to what you say, of course; a great deal in fact. However, some portion of the blame must be placed on the person or persons who caused a man who was relatively healthy when put into a police van to “mysteriously” (as NBC reported) be on the verge of death when removed from that box. Outrage in this case is justified; looting is not, but the looting was triggered by the outrage.
By the way, why don’t you ask how many of the Baltimore police had fathers who sang to them, and wonder if they would have behaved differently if they had?
No, outrage is not justified. All the facts are not in and you don’t know that Mr. Gray was “relatively healthy.” Lawyers won a settlement for him and his family in a lead paint case, suggesting some level of impairment from lead paint poisoning. He used and sold drugs and had 18 previous arrests in the seven years between his 18th and 25th birthdays. Other documents point to his being in at least one automobile accident and suing for malpractice. Further discovery pending trial _may_ reveal relatively recent surgery on his spine, which may have been reinjured when he was caught after fleeing police. Who are doing a thankless job patrolling the mean streets of the city I call home. http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/crime/blog/bs-md-ci-police-prosecutors-morale-20150508-story.html#page=1
And why do you think that is?