Father Knows Best

He gives us life.

He provides us with all of the nourishment we need.

He surrounds us with true love of immeasurable value and beauty and timelessness.

As we grow older, He encourages us to use ourselves, our talents, and everything around us in healthy, positive ways.

He also allows us the freedom to misuse ourselves, our talents, and everything around us, and learn from it.

He is always there when we want, and He stays close by even when we don’t want.

Even so, He never butts in unless we ask Him or need Him to do so.

And at any time in our life’s journey, even if we have been away for a very long time and done very hurtful things to ourselves and to Him, He is always there waiting with open arms to take us back in, forgive us, love us, and give us what we need to start again.

He is our perfect Father. And He is the Father that every earthly father can and should model.

In fact, He is the example which must be followed if our very existence is to continue.

For on earth now, we have fathers who encourage or demand the destruction of life. We have fathers who provide none of the nourishment which their children need. We have fathers who provide nothing of true love, but only the false love which is cheap and meaningless and passes away (even when large amounts of money are spent). We have fathers who aren’t there physically, emotionally, or socially, and never butt in. We have fathers who wouldn’t know if we have been away for a very long time, because they are rarely home themselves, in mind or body, waiting for us.

For all of the focus which current events have placed upon mothers, it is truly the father who is the base, the rock, the roots for the family. For all of the emphasis, both legal and social, upon reproductive health as a women’s issue, there is a huge ignoring and ignorance that reproductive health is equally, or even more so, a man’s issue. Going beyond the fact that it takes a woman and a man to create a baby, it takes a father to provide a mother with the support, confidence, love, and guidance to bring a baby to birth, through childhood, and into a successful and productive adulthood.

Numerous studies have shown that women overwhelmingly obtain abortions because there is a lack of emotional, social, and/or economic support from the child’s father. Most women who choose abortion do so because they do not want to be single mothers, do not get along with their child’s father, or do not believe that the child’s father is stable due to alcoholism, drug abuse, criminal convictions, immaturity, or infidelity. (See www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3711005.html) Only 7% of all abortions were due to reasons of mother’s health, fetal abnormalities, or rape. (http://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/abortion/abreasons.html) All other reasons related to a mother’s perceived inability to support a child on her own.

How much more would abortion be reduced if the father of children stepped up and stood by their child’s mother?

Similarly, there have been numerous studies regarding the overwhelming need for fathers in the lives of boys and girls. Children raised without a reliable father in their lives engage in much more illicit drug use, alcohol abuse, underage sexual activity, suffer more mental health problems, child abuse, and are arrested much more often than children raised with a father present. (For a quick summary with citations, see http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html)

Our focus for too long has been upon the women carrying (or aborting) the babies and not on the men who help to create them. As a Church, we need to help change the conversation in our society so that reproductive health care is no longer seen as a women’s issue, but instead as a “two parents” issue. The father’s role must be given equal weight and importance if there is to be a true change in society’s view of family life and responsibility.

How do we begin?

Let us, first and foremost, no longer think only of the mother when we are reaching out to help that parent who may be considering abortion. Let us always speak of and reach out to mom AND dad. For far too long, men have been pushed aside or ostracized from participating in the abortion discussion. They need to be treated as equal elements in the equation. Accordingly, let us pray for mothers AND fathers of unborn babies, and seek the intercession of St. Joseph, the most wonderful example of a father who, by listening to God’s angels, welcomed, loved, and raised a baby who was not biologically his, and exemplified the gentleness and strength which all true men should seek.

Let us work with government and political leaders for generous parental leave policies so that mothers AND fathers can take off the time necessary to establish a solid foundation for family growth in their home. (Yes, this is a pro-life issue.)

Let us support marriage, in our living examples and in our public policies, so that more children can grow up with their biological mother and father in their homes.

Finally, let us work with the media, in whatever way we can, to support the development and dissemination of positive stories of fathers in music, in television, in films, and in the news media.

When I was growing up, there was a wonderful TV sitcom entitled “Father Knows Best.” While it would be dated today with its dress and atmosphere, the theme of each week’s show was wonderful and timeless. Dad was always there to help, to give wise advice, to forgive, and to love his children and their mother through the trials and tribulations of daily life. Dad was the rock and the foundation of the family. While he was not perfect and was often humorous, he was never a buffoon (as many modern TV shows portray fathers), never irresponsible (which is what seems to be glorified in so many songs and lifestyles of current celebrities), and never vulgar (ditto). He always “listened to his better angels,” as did St. Joseph, and provided a secure foundation upon which his children could grow and flourish. The show always left us with a sense of comfort and “rightness” about the way in which a family should be.

Fathers are not only important: they are absolutely vital to mothers and children in our society. We must honor and raise them up again. We must help and encourage today’s men to become those fathers who know the best way to love their wives and children. Our survival as a society depends upon it.