Not too long ago, I was blowing through all of the accumulated debris in my electronic mailbox(es) when one article caught my attention for a moment. The article asked that the reader reflect on the people who had hurt him or her the most. It dealt with emotional pain or heartache, or frustration caused by the behavior of others, and similar items, not a physical pain. The article asked the reader to bring that person to the front of his or her mind and reflect on what the hurt or pain was, the circumstances, etc.
It sounds a bit strange to say, but there is no one who has caused me pain or distress or frustration that lingers in my mind. Sure, the fellow who pulled out in front of me this morning may have gotten me upset, and I may have been tempted to declare him to be a waste of oxygen, but that passed in seconds, or, at most, moments. When I tried to think of any events or people who had caused me any deep-seated, long-held, grudges or hurts, I came up blank.
This was the second time, at least
Some number of years ago, perhaps 4 or 5, my wife and I went to a couples event led by the bishop of the diocese where we were living at the time. Scores of couples were seated in the nave of the church, when the bishop asked that we take a piece of paper and pencil which were being passed out and write down the name of the person who had hurt us, or some detail about him or her known to us, if we didn’t wish to write down the name. After some period of time, he asked that we come forward and tack the now folded paper onto a cross set up in the main aisle.
I was still seated and thinking about anyone, everyone, someone who may have hurt me so that I could write down their name and tack it to the cross.
When it was time for the people in our pew to go and tack the note onto the cross, I folded my still empty paper and tacked it to the cross. After everyone had tacked the pieces of paper to the cross, the pieces of paper were all removed and burned in a small grill which had been set up for that purpose.
This exercise was, clearly, intended to foster an atmosphere of forgiveness. Much as with the article from my SPAM folder(s), I find that for me, emotional pain has no memory.
How is it you have no memories of prior hurts?
I gave some serious thought over the next few days after the couple’s event, in an effort to find the reason why I had come up blank when trying to recall a hurt. Then, one morning during my normal pray and meditate while walking the dog excursions, the answer came…
The Lord’s Prayer.
This prayer was given to us when the disciples asked that He teach them to pray is the greatest prayer of all Scripture. Many of us, however, may simply rattle it off without giving any thought to the meaning. This rote memory, unemotional use of this prayer may sound as if one is saying, “OurFatherwhoartinheavenhallowedbethynamethykingdomcome…”
The source of my inner peace is found in this part of the prayer “…forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us…” Quite some time ago, I had taken that phrase apart to be able to linger on the four pieces of it.
Four? Really?
Yes. Consider first that we are asking to have our trespasses forgiven. I took that to mean at both levels. First, we are asking to have the Father forgive us for those times when we may have hurt Him or the Trinity in thought, word, or deed. Next, is the part where we ask to be forgiven for the harm done to others in both that which we have done, and have failed to do. We are asking to have every sin cleansed, little ones, big ones, massive ones, all of them.
The remaining pieces are found in the second part of the phrase, “as we forgive those who trespass against us…” I have come to believe that this phrase means that we pray to have the Father forgive the sins of those who have harmed us, and then we pray to have the sins forgiven of those whom we believe have harmed us. This is independent of their actions or intentions, it is a matter f simply our beliefs not supported by any factual data.
I may feel slighted that this person or that one may have let me down or may have misstated an issue, but, I may be the only one and the person who let me down is probably not aware of it at all. Praying to have that person’s action forgiven helps to prevent any sort of resentment from building.
I once heard a definition of resentment that indicated it was essentially allowing another person to live in your head rent-free. This resentment or these resentments may be expected to build over time and then perhaps blossom into all sorts of anger issues.
Praying to forgive the sins of those whom I believe have hurt me or caused me harm is one of the ways I keep my sanity, composure, call it what you will, from getting in the way. Consider this to be “Forgive and forget” taken to the next level.
