I am sometimes amazed by the casualness of this generation, sometimes called the millennial generation. In some ways casual is refreshing but in other ways, it ranges from rude through non-committal to utter-lawlessness.
Buying and selling is one area which exemplifies this. Before the age of texting, buying a service or product from someone probably required a scary phone call or a newspaper post and a formal self-introduction. Now, I sell my used stuff online and am bombarded with texts. To say the inquiries are informal is an understatement. I’d text my best friends with more decorum than the majority of my respondents.
Lack of education is largely to blame for our casualness. The social cues are not taught to us in school or at home anymore. At the college level, many classrooms are utilitarian places where students come to get something and leave. The personal, respectful connection between teachers and students often does not exist.
Casualness is also driven by the belief that casualness fosters equality. CEO’s have left the suit and tie at home for the business casual. They want to appear like another guy or girl.
Lawlessness
Casual attitudes can be confusing and a little lawless. A boss who acts like an employee makes everyone wonder who is really the boss. Profanities at work suggest anything goes here and anything may really go. The casual texts about the item I’m selling, don’t reassure me that the person on the other end will pay. The easygoing friend who says whatever is fine with him, may never show up to the party.
My classroom is the worst. When teenagers show no respect in the classroom, when they saunter in and ask what’s up to an adult and an authority, then I really start to worry about our casualness. Yes, it’s egalitarian in a way, but, as a teacher, I feel like I’m in danger of losing all authority. We can call this attitude lawlessness, but it is just as well classified as being noncommittal.
The Dating Project and the Noncommittal Attitude
Now after watching The Dating Project, I understand that this is the kind of culture in which I live, a culture in which we often say we want the “forever” but won’t really commit to it. I sense this especially in the attitude of the casual, noncommittal young men of today. It’s sexy if a guy pursues, says Rashida, a thirty year-old New Yorker in the movie, but then what guys still do that? And what woman really has time to be pursued? Rashida herself says she’d like to date but is too busy with work.
I am scared by how much I can relate to Chris, a single-man in his 40’s, who senses his ability to make a commitment has been damaged. He wants the casual, but he also wants the real thing. For a lot of young men, I think this has happened or is happening.
On the flip side, girls have their own problem. Though they say they want to commit, they often send text messages promising no strings attached. This happened to me with a coworker at one of my first jobs. I was shocked, but realized that to my co-worker physical intimacy bought at any price was the only ticket she thought available to emotional intimacy and commitment. I turned her down but I felt emasculated in the process. Her offer felt like a taunt. Prove you’re a man, she seemed to say.
To me the casualness in the sexual realm is related to the casualness I notice in every aspect of life. Our hero has become the low-key guy who says “hey man” and has great, casual encounters. The problem is that as the director of the movie The Dating Project says, we can’t simply leave our emotions at the door when it comes to sex.
The Casualness of the Saints
The secular hero has always been a rebel without a cause. Today, he seems more lost than ever. He struggles to see the meaning of his life, of relationships, of the 9 to 5 job he works. He laughs at the silly customs in his world; he has inured himself to emotional pain and loss. He’s a caricature of the saints.
The actual saints were casual in certain way. The casualness of the saints came from their detachment from the world and trust in God. St. Paul often harps on our equality before the eyes of God, “there is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). St Paul also often advises us to put away our worries, as it were, to “Cast your cares on the Lord” (Psalm 55:22). He writes the following in Philippians 4:6-7:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
St Paul here and elsewhere commends his readers to treat the world lightly, because it is passing away (1 Corinthians 7:31). Whereas the casualness of the world has no real tether, the casualness of sanctity, about which St Paul writes, is tethered to the enduring Kingdom of God.
