Never in my worst nightmares did I ever think I’d one day be lying on an operating table, voluntarily submitting my body and my baby for a DNC. But there I was, discovering at 13 weeks of pregnancy that my long awaited baby had lost his heartbeat at 11 weeks and one day old. A history of a traumatic and ER-ending miscarriage at home, and the possibility of intensive bleeding while traveling internationally left me with little choice.
It was while researching a courtroom scene for my novel that I first I learned of the difference between two of the most commonly used abortion procedures. (Caution: graphic medical details to follow) For babies ages 8-13 weeks old, the Dilation and Cutterage (DNC) technique is used. Here, the cervix is dilated, a cutterage (hook like instrument) is used to remove the baby and a vacuum collects the remains. For older babies at 13-20 weeks, Dilation and Evacuation (D & E) technique is applied. The cervix is dilated (larger because the babies are more formed), suction is inserted, and a Sopher Clamp (forceps) is used to grasp at random body parts and dismember the baby.
A chilling testimony from former abortionist Dr. Paul Jarrett still haunts me: “…I found a tiny beating heart… and looked squarely into the face of another human being –a human being I’d just killed.”
So, once I came to from surgery, the first question I asked my anesthetist-friend was, “This is what they do during abortions, isn’t it?”
Even without his grave nod, I knew the answer to that.
I exited the outpatient department with a request to give me my baby’s remains for a proper burial, (because no baby of mine is going to be tossed in the hospital trash!), a heartbreak of endless jagged edges, and another question: how do women who’ve gone through this ordeal get over it? It was agonizing enough for me imagining the entire procedure, knowing my baby had died two weeks prior, but for those other mothers whose babies were alive and then killed –-
Then, it hit me: they didn’t know! They must not have known (or not wanted to know) that what abortion facilities refer to as disposable “tissues” are babies who have heartbeats two weeks after conception, grow through weeks of perfection (evidence: sonogram photograph) and die being “held” by cold metal instruments (evidence: medical testimony).
I understand the assorted reasons why women who miscarry often keep the raw event private or that women who’ve suffered from previous miscarriages don’t reveal a pregnancy until they’re past the 12-week benchmark when jeopardy is considerably less. I respect those choices. But for my husband and I, we publicly announce to anyone who cares to listen the moment those two pink lines grace our lives with joy and excitement, and we tearfully disclose when in God’s unfathomable will, our babies leave us. At each of their funerals, we are gifted with consolation when our pastors reassure us of one more saint interceding for us in heaven. The rest of the pain we carry is offered for the conversion of women who do know what we do about life, but choose death.
Some families bear pro-life witness by the large number of children they welcome into their homes. Our witness includes the number of children who pass through our home to eternity.
© 2013 Anabelle Hazard. All rights reserved.
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