Comparison is the thief of joy, so goes the saying. A bigger house, a bigger car, and a better job are always just out of reach. When my parents divorced, I was ten, and my mother and I were thrown into a world of poverty. This hurt my pride, even then, and I carry a lot of pain with me from this period in my life. I planned my life to be different than those days. I went to college and worked hard to succeed. It is not easy to pay for your own degree. I was envious of those who did not have this struggle.
As an adult, I understand that this is a part of life. We cannot change the circumstances we are born into. Without our own experiences, we are not individuals. We seek pleasure and success in all that we do, which is our natural human tendency. But when does it become a sin?
Envy is present in our lives daily. It can sneak up on us and make us feel bad about ourselves. Case in point: me. I confess: I worry about money. Raising six children in today’s society is a challenge. It is easy to compare myself to others, especially mothers who work outside the home. They make it look so easy, and I just cannot pull it off. I have struggled with this dilemma for years.
I have often striven desperately to succeed in something (my chosen career) only to see others breeze through gracefully without a care. I have wondered to God: “What is it I am missing, Lord? Please lead me on the right path.” Only to be met with silence. However, even on those days when my despair seems paramount, He will bless me in some way that I may or may not notice. It may be a kind gesture from someone, a beautiful day, or a feeling in church. It is then I feel guilty, for I have questioned Him and the vocation He has given me.
It is very easy to get caught up in what is wrong in our lives and forget to see our blessings! That “silence” that I mentioned before is not God ignoring me. He has already given me what I need. I just have to open my eyes.
Every day He reminds me that I am a mother first. When my pride swells or envy engulfs, I seek the Lord to help me see clearly the blessings He has bestowed upon me. And He never fails. It may be a sweet smile from my baby, a warm hug from my son, or an “I love you, Mom” from my daughter. No amount of money, career, or credential after my name can replace these Graces.
Psalm 23 King James Version (KJV)
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Why did God lead me here? I believe it was to get me closer to Him. I am learning to be open to His blessings, not question them. One day, my children will be grown and I will have plenty of time to work. My only worry right now should be helping my family get to heaven. This Easter, join me in opening our hearts to Jesus. He rightly deserves it, and He loves you dearly!
6 thoughts on “Happy are Those”
Karen, I am walking in your shoes! These are constant challenges for me as well. Thank you for the reminder to always turn towards the Lord in these times.
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Karen,
Excellent. Envy is alive and well and a short distance from each of us. To fight envy, we need only think of the estimated three thousand Yazidi women sexually enslaved by ISIS….and their parents and children in refugee tents worrying about them daily. Next think of the millions of Syrian refugees in the mideast who have little future beyond a hard knock life …hopefully not in tents….with the international donors not coming up with the requested UN funds ( the US and Kuwait are the two donor heroes …Saudis…not so much…US 507 million Kuwait 500 million/ Saudis 60 million). If we look downward economically speaking, envy shrivels. If we look upward at Beyounce or at the town neuro surgeon, it festers. Looking down is good in this context at least.
I remember asking this same question, ‘what is it I am missing, Lord?’ Only to realize it was the Lord I was missing. I was left alone to raise my two children when I asked that, knowing I was completely to blame. I felt so lost and alone and now it wasn’t just me I had to think about anymore, so I went searching for the Lord and He led me back to the Catholic Church, He brought me home. I spent the next 20 years trusting Him and gave up my own dreams and life to raise my children. We lived on around $500.00 a month but we never wanted for anything, I don’t know how God did this but my children never thought of themselves as poor and now, as adults, they still remember our life as being filled with peace and joy and they have reaped the rewards of the love that was given to us by Jesus. It was, looking back, a truly miraculous gift and one my children will never forget, it still blesses them. I think your choice to be a mother is beautiful and perfect and the blessings you will receive will fill you for the rest of your life and after. It will free you from the lures of the world. God bless you and your family. Happy Easter.
Would you believe that I have caught myself envying people who had harder lives than I have? Sometimes I feel like I would be better able to cope with all kinds of things if I had struggled a little more growing up…
It really shows how silly it all is, when two people envy each other for opposite reasons!