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A Woman is Made to Be A Woman

June 15, AD2013


My first grandchild was born a week ago and God has given me tons of lessons since. My head is swirling from them all. She has changed our whole world and she is tiny.

I always fought the idea that the wife and mother had to do so much more work than the husband. I saw all these women who worked, took care of their kids, took them to sports activities or scouts and all the other stuff that kids do and keep their house clean. To me it seemed as if the men got the easy part of the marriage. In my life I worked at Hooters and bartended in a strip club and there were the husbands, sitting with waitresses or strippers while their wives were running the kids and the house. In my mind that was what a “traditional” marriage was and it looked terrible.

My view is very different from where I sit now. For one thing I sit next to Christ who is constantly showing me things. It’s like the scene from Lion King where Mufasa is showing Simba the pride lands. That is what Jesus does to me during my prayer time. We reflect on the things that happened and He shows me the lesson.

What I’ve come to see is that the woman is the glue that keeps that all together. We are the ones who have the hearts to hear the voice of God so clearly, not that men don’t, but it is different than how women hear Him. We are made to multi-task and to deal with problems. That is why we fit into roles where we hold things together. Nurses will testify to that! Now, I’m not saying that men can’t do all of these things, but they are not created by God to specifically fill this role in their nature and in the family. And I really think is that part of the Evil One’s plan to destroy families — to get us all to think that it is a bad thing to say that women are made to fill this role. It isn’t bad though, God’s plan is not bad.

God is pretty smart; He made everything for a specific reason, so that we could live lives that glorify Him. That is the point of all of this. Everyone has a place in this world to do just that. Everyone has gifts and vices; gifts to do the work and vices to conquer with His Grace to become a saint. Everything that happens is allowed by God. He doesn’t cause it, we cause the suffering by our own sins, but He does allow it by allowing us to have free will. So that means that He built marriage as the foundation of the family. Through marriage comes children who are taught by their parents about God and about how to become a saint. But before all of that are the roles of husbands and wives.

I am not sure when it became something horrible to say that a woman is made to keep her house, raise her children and love her husband. But anytime I hear that said it seems like there are two groups of women’s response to it: 1) Women are oppressed, or 2) Women should be treated like queens and given a pass to treat their husbands like crap.

Neither is right. A woman is the heart of the home and that is a gift. God gave us the gift of our family and our homes. It is something we should wear with honor, not something we use to shame each other. Our husbands who work and provide for us are gifts. Our children and grandchildren are gifts, and our faith is the greatest gift of all. Taking care of a family is the greatest role we will ever have. If we choose to have a career outside of that then that is icing on the cake, but it’s not the cake.

This world is so upside down when women who purposely medicate themselves to be infertile in order to be career women are praised while women who embrace their fertility and serve in their home are treated like lower class moronic idiots. Power does not come from a career. Power comes from having a new life grow in your womb. That is where a woman’s pride should be. And it used to be. A man’s pride was based on his big family and his beautiful wife who gave him all his kids. That is how God’s plan for the family goes. We humans twist it all different kinds of ways, but I do have hope that we are starting to see the light.

I began to see the light the minute the Labor and Delivery nurse said, “Wow, you have a very unique family. Ya’ll are a great team.” Exactly, family is like a team. Nobody argues that the coach of a team is oppressed.

Women, we have to take back our place in this world. The place Sparky wants us is the place where we don’t bear our children, we don’t teach them to love God, and we don’t love our husbands like Jesus does. Because when we are in that place he has successfully neutralized our God-given powers.

© 2013. Leticia Adams. All Rights Reserved.

Photography: See our Photographers page.

Filed in: Marriage & Family

About the Author:

Leticia is a convert who came into the Catholic Church at Easter 2010. She is the mother of 4 kids and has 3 stepsons. She is also a grandmother to a beautiful two year old. Leticia sat on her Pastoral Council, blogs at Catholic Stand as well as her personal blog, is pursuing a Bachelor’s degree of Philosophy, is a wife, and helps with her parish's "Jesus is Lord" adult faith formation class and RCIA. Leticia has a radio show at Real Life Radio and is a volunteer with an organization that helps women in prison come to terms with their past and gives them the tools to cope with life when they are released. In her spare time she sleeps.

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  • Bill S

    “And I really think is that part of the Evil One’s plan to destroy families — to get us all to think that it is a bad thing to say that women are made to fill this role. It isn’t bad though, God’s plan is not bad.”

    What if there is no Evil One, no God, and no plan? Wouldn’t it then make sense that women should be able to plan their lives in a way that allows them to have both a career and a family. My wife took off ten years to have and raise our two sons. The rest of the time she was on the pill. The boys are now men off on their own and she is enjoying a successful career. There was no plan but our plan and it worked out just fine.

    • Phil Dzialo

      Bill S….I do not believe in an evil one nor a plan; I do believe in a Source and absolute free will. There is no model for what a woman nor, in that case, a man should be. People should be who they are…good, kind and loving. A woman’s pride is not limited to being an incubator, nor is a man’s role limited to being a sperm donor. Motherhood, partnership, career, learner, advocate, carer, lover of nature and the earth, in union with the great spirit…that is womanhood. All else lacks real relevance!

    • Bill S

      Well said, Phil.

    • Leticia Ochoa Adams

      First of all let me say this: You will not get what I am saying starting from the point that the two of you are starting at. So, what I am saying will be like me speaking to you in a language that neither of you understand. I know this because plenty of people tried to explain this to me before my life changed four years ago and I did the whole snarky cocky “oh you religious people who have NO clue about reality” fist pump thing that ya’ll are doing here.

      Evil is an absence of Good. therefore you have it backwards, there can’t be evil unless there is first good. Like light and darkness. There can’t be darkness without their first being light since darkeness is an absence of that light.

      Yes there is a Source, who is God and we do have free will. Agreed.

      A woman’s pride should come from who she is and what she was created for. How that looks for each specific woman is different. I am a wife and mother, Catholic, on my parish counsel, a blogger, and work in the pro-life movement. Not every woman, or even every Catholic woman, is specifically called to do what I am called to do. I’m called to be me, Leticia, not anyone else and vice versa. As a GENDER, the female gender, we are called to bring forth new life through our wombs. It’s how both of you got here. That is how we are made as a gender, since we have wombs and men don’t. That’s not being an incubator, that is being awesome. And no matter how much men stomp their feet they will never have wombs and new human beings will never grow inside them and come forth through their bodies. I don’t know many men who would want to, but no matter, even if they did, they couldn’t. What I am saying is that women have forgotten that and forgotten how awesome that is as a whole. Unless we decide we want a baby like they want a new pair of cute shoes and then we pay crazy amounts of money to have a child when we spent most of our life medicating ourselves with artificial hormones to not have a child. It’s illogical and irrational to some level. I have many opinions on this. Considering that I was sterilized after my 4th child and know what it is like to be in a world who tells you how embarrassed you should be at reproducing and using your womb to carry a child. So, maybe you both don’t agree with me, and I can handle that, and maybe I am wrong on some level, but what you can’t do is argue my life experience.

      I’ve done everything the world says is “fun”. Everything. And all it brought me was heartache and tears. I am happy where I am today. I have joy. I have my kids and my new grandbaby and life is good. Thanks be to God.

    • Bill S

      I believe two things about God.
      1. I believe God is made up by men.
      2. I believe that people who believe that God is real can live very meaningful and successful lives mostly because it is such a great thing to believe.

      I fully appreciate your being proud of your child bearing record and I see what faith has done for you. I just don’t share in that faith. Evil is the absence of good. I agree. I just don’t believe in the Evil One because I don’t believe in the supernatural. That being said, I am happy for you. It sounds like you have a good life.

    • CathyH

      Bill, if you believe these things, then why are you commenting on a Catholic website if not to “TROLL”. One of the most important points Leticia makes is that society has turned around to look down on women who chose to have children and stay home with them. As if somehow they are failures or have nothing better to do or are ignorant and oppressed.

      You said that you and your wife planned your children and her return to her career which is great. And this can be done without artificial hormones that are known carcinogens, however our culture has indoctrinated women into believing that this is not so.
      We (as women) are told culturally that to be hip, intelligent, forward thinkers, we should use artificial birth control, delay having children and focus on ourselves first and foremost. Not much balance in that message. And its all kinds of ironic when you think about the women who eat organic foods, watch for carcinogens in their beauty products and household products, then take the Pill and wonder why they have problems later getting pregnant or develop cancer. (current research is showing increases in infertility and certain kinds of cancers related to the hormones used in birth control pills) not to mention all of the other side effects listed on the packaging and being dealt with in class action lawsuits.

      It is so nice that your plans came to fruition. But the world has a way of messing up the most carefully crafted plans. If you were to believe in a higher being, you would find a deeper meaning in life when plans go awry and tragedy occurs. That you have lost touch with the divine is sad. But most importantly, you and Phil completely missed the point of her article.

    • Bill S

      I got the point of the article. I was just trying to point out that people shouldn’t make it seem like there is something wrong with planning your family and career and taking the pill. Health risks have been greatly exaggerated.

    • Leila Miller

      “Health risks have been greatly exaggerated.”

      Hmmm, well you might want to read this post, and pay close attention to the comments (including from at least one of the atheist readers):

      In my experience (and I was on the Pill for many years), the health risks are not exaggerated, they are barely talked about.

    • Bill S

      Such cases are few and far between, but I guess that is of little consolation to those who are impacted.

    • Leila Miller

      No so rare, actually. I think Yaz killed a quite a few young women? And that’s just one brand. The sad thing is, and really the point about these pills: They are used not for health, but to derail health. They are given to young women (like me when I was 17) who are perfectly healthy. Nothing was wrong with my body or my system at all. Five minutes at Planned Parenthood and they (secretly, so as not to alert my parents…. “adults” as co-conspirators with a teen) slapped me right on dangerous steroids. Again, my body was functioning perfectly, no health issues, and yet they gave me pills to stop my body from functioning as it should. How is this “medicine”? Crazy that we can justify anything so long as it’s about folks getting sex anytime they want.

      And you are right, it’s of very little consolation to those who are injured or who die for the “right” to have unfettered sex, or to be available and sterile, 100% of the time, for their men.

    • agus

      @Leila: … (and I was on the Pill for many years)…
      My wife undergone a tubectomy after she delivered our 3 children by caesarean section. Now I felt that our decision (as suggested by our obsgyn doctor) was wrong and against the Church’s teaching. I went to a confession, and still felt guilty. You said that you were on the pill for many years. Do you have the same guilty feeling? How do you manage this? Thanks & regards, Agus

    • Leila Miller

      Hi Agus! I certainly still do have regrets, but no, I don’t have a guilty feeling. Remember, we are all sinners, and God does not want you to continue to feel guilty after you’ve confessed. You are forgiven, and He will use all things, even our sins, for His greater glory. The angels are rejoicing for your repentance, and you must rejoice, too!

    • agus

      Hi Leila, great to hear your encouragement. I need to manage my feeling now. Greetings from Java, Indonesia..

    • Leila Miller

      Agus, thank you, my brother! You sound wonderful and I will pray for you! Keep the faith way over there in Indonesia! 🙂

    • Leila Miller

      One more thing, Agus. If you still cannot forgive yourself, please read this post on scrupulosity:

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  • Nate

    I was definitely doing a fist pump. I do think we can definitely keep the queen part though Leticia because a Queen is suppose to have honor. So yeah keep the queen part by without the pompousness.

  • Chris

    Leticia, you are awesome and you made my wife do a set of karate kicks after reading this. And I too have used the “….you remember when Woody said to Buzz?” When trying to explain something. Hahahah. God bless